Numb
by Biscuit15
Summary: While mourning the loss of his sister, Sougo finds himself doing whatever he can to numb the pain. Hijikata grows suspicious about his coping mechanisms and hires the help of the Yorozuya to find out exactly what's going on. What they discover is something that shatters Hijikata's heart, and he can't believe he had been so stupid as to not realise what was going on sooner. GinHiji


Hijikata hated the way Sougo was so observant. He hated how nothing slipped past his junior's watchful gaze, and he envied the First Captain's intelligence and ability to piece together things as if it were as simple as a jigsaw puzzle marketed for toddlers. But these were emotions Hijikata would never say out loud because he knew Sougo too well; the younger would only find a way to make him feel more useless than he already did.

But it was probably because of that difference between them that Hijikata had taken this long to notice that something wasn't right with Sougo – not that the brunet had ever _been_ right, but still… After Sougo's sister had died, even Hijikata had been able to see an almost rapid decline in the other's mental health; he'd just believed it to be Sougo's way of mourning; nothing to worry about.

Except it _was_ something to worry about, and as the Vice-Chief, Hijikata couldn't believe it had taken him this long just to notice something was _very_ wrong.

"The hell are _you_ doing here, you bastard?"

Hijikata sighed. He felt so useless; it was his responsibility to ensure that everyone in the Shinsengumi were safe and well, yet he couldn't even bring himself to _speak_ to Sougo about what was wrong and instead was seeking out the help of the Yorozuya.

Could he _be_ any more pathetic?

The Vice-Chief's boots scuffed along the floorboards of the balcony as he looked anywhere but at the boss of the Yorozuya. He was standing in the doorway of their home, and still he said nothing until he had pulled a cigarette and his mayonnaise-shaped lighter from his jacket pocket and lit his smoke. "…I have a job for you."

"Oh?" Hijikata was used to that Sakata bastard's taunting tone, but instead of snapping back, he waited; it was for the good of Sougo… He just had to remind himself of that. "I always thought you'd be the last person to seek out our help. What are you planning? Is this a setup?"

Hijikata shook his head. He grit his teeth and forced out, "You _will_ be paid, so listen to me."

Gintoki wasn't going to argue; the Yorozuya hadn't had a client for a long time and their empty cabinets and fridge reflected their lack of funds; if only it was to eat something again, he would accept the job. "I want to be paid with everything you have in your savings account."

"Would you just –" Hijikata stopped. He took a deep breath before he forced out, "I'll pay you properly for your time, alright? Just… Sougo hasn't been… _right_."

"Souichiro-kun?" Gin folded his arms across his chest as he leaned against the doorframe. "His sister just died; of course he isn't right."

"No!" Hijikata frowned. His voice softened. "He's been acting weird, even for him. I would have thought he'd be trying to kill me in my sleep after Mitsuba… After she died… That he'd blame me for it as well… And he did at first. But when I sent him on his first job since… _then_ … He's come back acting really strange, and I'm… I don't know what to think…"

Gintoki looked over his shoulder and into his home before he glanced back at Hijikata. He gestured to the inside of the apartment and said, "You want to come in?"

Hijikata sighed as he nodded. It was cold outside, the vicious storm that had been lashing Edo having finally calmed down a half-hour before. It was probably going to start back up again, though, and he really didn't want to get caught up in it.

The Vice-Chief entered the apartment when Gintoki moved back to give him entrance. He took his shoes off and left them next to his host's before he followed the other into the living room. He looked around. "Where are the brats?"

"At Shinpachi-kun's. Sit down."

Hijikata did as instructed and sat on the couch that was more comfortable than it had appeared. He sighed again. He finally lit the cigarette hanging from his mouth he had forgotten about until now and then continued. "Anyway, since I gave him that job, Sougo hasn't been himself."

"What was the job? Maybe he's gotten himself a girlfriend." Gintoki shrugged.

"He was investigating a contact of the Harusame. He was supposed to arrest them but he came back and said they got away." Hijikata took a puff of his cigarette. "Ever since then, he hasn't been right. He keeps disappearing and his work is suffering more than it usually does."

"Whoever he was supposed to be arresting has probably done something to him," Gintoki pointed out; he would put nothing past the Harusame.

"No way; not to Sougo." Hijikata waved his hand in dismissal. "Your job is to find out where he's been disappearing to and why. Maybe if we know that, we can work out what's wrong with him."

"You want us to follow him around?"

"Yeah. I'll give you my number, so call me when you find out what he's doing." Hijikata reached for a pen and scrap of paper in his pocket. He scribbled his number onto it before he also pulled out a wad of cash and tossed it onto the coffee table between them. He stood up. "I'll give you the rest when you do your job."

Gintoki held no complaints as he snatched the cash up as if someone else would take it if he weren't fast enough; at least now they could actually eat something decent.

As for Hijikata, he could only hope that the Yorozuya would find out what was going on with Sougo so he could take it from there.

* * *

 _Bring bring! Bring bring!_

Hijikata's eyes opened slowly to his ringtone. He groaned as he reached out to grab it and see who was calling him. It was far too late for this, so if it were anyone from his squad, he was going to make them commit seppeku the next morning.

The caller ID didn't tell him much. From the looks of the numbers, it was coming from a phone booth somewhere. He groaned again. His thumb hovered over the end call button, but something was telling him to answer.

With a resigned sigh, he did. "Hello…?"

"Hijikata-kun~?" Gah, it was that insufferable baboon from the Yorozuya. How'd the other even get his number, anyway? Oh, that was right; he gave it to them. "Hijikata-kun~?"

"Stop mocking me, you asshole!" Hijikata sat up now, his anger greater than his need for more sleep. "Why are you calling me so late at night?!"

All of a sudden, that mocking tone vanished, and Hijikata recognised nothing but seriousness.

"We followed Souichiro-kun like you told us to. You'd better come get him."

And with that, the line went dead.


End file.
